It's only recently that I've been set free from the myriad of emotions I would feel day to day. I understand through various teachings of Gods Word that my emotions are not sinful. As a matter of fact, God created us as emotional beings. I've spent much time in prayer asking forgiveness for feeling. Now I realize I was apologizing for something I had no control over.
However, my reaction is what has the potential to be sinful. Be angry and sin not. Guard your heart with all diligence because out of it are the issues of life. Those are Bible verses. It even says they that sow in tears shall reap in joy. It's ok to cry!
So I was crying today. I do that more lately because it's ok. God doesn't love me less. And I'm a lot less stressed because tears release endorphins...the feel good hormone in our body. And it was the almost ugly cry. The sobbing cry where you're thankful nobody can hear you and that your windows are tinted.
I'm ok, by the way. I'm struggling with a few things...how my life is redefining my purpose and role. And I don't always like it. Today it hurt as I started thinking of my grown children and imagining them in their uniforms. One a police officer whose life is on the line daily. I miss his voice and his laugh. Then his brother, such a proud new airman in our Air Force. I miss his friendship. They both have a crazy grace for me. But life. One is in Texas and one is in Oklahoma. And they're not coming home to live. That reality often takes my breath away, almost literally. I try so hard not to even go there but today it happened so fast and before you know it, I'm pulling into Starbucks a snotty mess.
Then God. He whispers to me in such a profound way. His voice and presence is so much more clear when we are hurting and needy. He gave me a song. The tears turned to hope and rejoicing. I had a praise moment as true hope unfolded in my thoughts.
He's not done with me. I was never that mom who couldn't wait for her kids to leave. I prayed for them a lot and trusted them to God. And now they truly reside in His hands, my mothering role has
come to an end. They still include me in their lives, thankfully. But I'm done raising them.
come to an end. They still include me in their lives, thankfully. But I'm done raising them.
So now what? In steps faith because I don't know. I'm feeling lost. And undefined.
Then comes the perfect song. Glorious Unfolding by SCC. "Cause I know this is not like anything you thought, your life was going to be.......there's so much more of this story to unfold." BAM! Truth! He's not done with me yet! "So hold onto every promise God has made to us....and watch this glorious unfolding."
He has a plan! That's all I needed for my tears to turn to joy.
He has a plan! That's all I needed for my tears to turn to joy.
The seasons on life are super strange, aren't they? By the time we get the hang of the season we are in, it changes. I am encouraged by how you handle your seasons. One thing I have been dealing with lately, because I am totally in touch with my emotions....ha ha......is being able to tell God, "I can't do this!!!" I know we have been told all of our lives that we shouldn't say we can't and that we can do all things.....But the end of that verse is very important, :THROUGH CHRIST: This means By...or In. We need to rely on God for all things, but there are some things that are completely out of our hands that we have to just give to God and say....I can't do this...but YOU can. There is something I am struggling with lately and I know what needs to be done, but it is something too hard for me, and I am overwhelmed by it. I spend way too much time worrying about it. Last night I just looked up to heaven and said, "God...this is too hard for me. I need you to take care of this because nothing is too hard for you!" I didn't pray that thinking that He going to just "poof" it away, but it gave me peace because I admitted to God that I am having trouble and I know He understands and He is going to work it out, with or without my help. From experience though, when we feel we can't....He teaches us how. Now that I have admitted I can't, now I will be a better student. Ha ha.
ReplyDelete