Nothing in Moderation

One of my so obvious flaws is my inability to be mediocre. Ive seen it since I was in 6th grade and all I cared about in 4H was being President. Captain of my Jr High Volleyball team.  I saw it in high school. I went straight for Drum Major and did that in two different schools. Newspaper Editor. In the Air Force, I always had to be top of everything starting in basic training. Nursing school was no different. Top of my LPN class and graduating RN school with honors. Serving in church became my everything since I joined my first one in 1994. Relationships. Every single one had to be perfect or I fell into a dark place over it.
It refers to sin as well. I cannot have just one drink. I've never been able to have one alcoholic drink. I have to drink until I pass out. I wasn't even a believer when I saw a dark path that held nothing good for my future so I walked away. Gambling. Just one more time. I swear I'm missing a switch in my brain. Social Media. I had and still have very good godly intentions. But literally hours later, after I've connected with this person or that person, I take a breath and that time is gone.
See, there's an in between...an acceptable mediocrity, where I've missed out on some good stuff. In 4H, I could've learned so much but I didn't do one project. In nursing school especially, there are many hours I can never retrieve that I didn't spend with my family, who are now grown. I literally lived and breathed study material. For what? A certificate? A special colored sash? It doesn't define my nursing today. My photography. I shoved a camera in many faces so nothing was missed. But I was so busy capturing each memory, I didn't absorb any of my own.
This drive in my brain has also affected so many relationships and I see that it's trickled down to my boys who are just like me. Driven. Goal oriented. No matter what. My poor husband. I'm only now, after 26 years, allowing him to just be. Let him be who God designed him to be, not Wendy. Praying for him sincerely, not in a tattle tale spirit.
But souls. Lives. Discipleship. Grace.
So I'm stepping back. I need to write. God put that in me many years ago. And I need to encourage others in Him. This blog is a perfect compromise for now.
I've had many suggest I limit my FB time. I don't know how. God knows my heart for the relationships on there so my prayer is while I step away, He will continue to mold me. That He will renew my mind to slow down and do all the in between. That one day I can check in once in awhile and it will be enough. For now, my prayer is Romans 12:2. That I become transformed by the renewing of my mind. God is certainly able and I am willing.